On Google and its "Map"

One observes, with a mixture of mordant amusement and genuine horror, the spectacle of Google—that self-proclaimed cathedral of the digital age—genuflecting before a cut-rate Caligula's cartographic fantasies. Here we have the perfect crystallization of corporate spinelessness meeting authoritarian vanity, producing what might be called, if one were feeling generous, a masterclass in institutional prostitution.

The renaming of the Gulf of Mexico—that body of water whose name has outlasted empires—to satisfy the fragile ego of a Queens real estate hustler turned wannabe Caesar, represents something beyond mere corporate cowardice. It is the voluntary surrender of truth to power, the willing participation in what Orwell called the “protective stupidity” that makes authoritarianism possible.

One is reminded of how the courtiers of Caligula were required to acknowledge his horse as a senator. At least they had the excuse of operating under genuine threat of death. What's Google's excuse? A marginal hit to quarterly earnings? The fear of an angry tweet?

The truly obscene aspect isn't just the change itself—though that's bad enough—but the precedent it sets. Today it's the Gulf of Mexico. Tomorrow? Perhaps we'll need to acknowledge that Mar-a-Lago has always been the Winter White House, that Trump Tower has always been taller than the Empire State Building, that the popular vote has always been a Chinese hoax.

This is how liberty dies—not just through the actions of tyrants, but through the willing collaboration of institutions that should know better. One might have hoped that Google, of all entities, might have remembered its own motto: “Don't be evil.” Though perhaps that's been renamed too, to better suit our post-truth age.

Perhaps Google might consider updating it to something more befitting their current posture: “Evil? Let's run the numbers.” Or better yet: “Don't be evil, unless quarterly projections suggest otherwise.”

Update: Ah, and now Apple Maps has obediently followed suit—one assumes Tim Cook will be personally anointing Trump’s feet with scented oils before the week is out.

What a marvelous symmetry: a company whose signature product was once lauded as the pinnacle of human ingenuity now reduced to the corporate equivalent of a court eunuch, warbling the praises of a bloated would-be despot in the hopes of currying favor with his capricious whims!